thoughts on a slow summer
recovering from burn out and recovering my presence
Dear Reader,
I’m writing this while looking out on the lake and feeling particularly peaceful after the holiday weekend. There is a new moon in Virgo today. We’ve just started a new month. I’m feeling that fresh beginning energy acutely and it feels very good. I love the whispers of autumn when the weather is still warm. There’s that brief window where you can wear shorts and a sweater and feel the joys of summer and the excitement of fall approaching. The vibes are just right.
August was a pivotal time in slowing down and processing my latest life transition. I’m navigating the next stages of my small business and have been taking on random odd jobs. I started working at my friend Max’s bakery here and there on Saturday mornings and it has been delightful. I love working with a team, the hustle and bustle of a busy shift, and learning more about the ins and outs of a bakery. I’ve worked most of my life in restaurant and cafe service and it feels good to get back into the swing of something I used to do. A number of people who I know or who recognized me from The Internet have come to the bakery. Part of my worries that maybe they’ll think I’m a FAILURE for needing to take a part time job. Most likely they don’t think anything about it at all. People who work in the service industry aren’t doing it because they’re failures (obviously) and I never think that. I’m still making peace with being in a side hustle era and figuring out what’s next for me. I don’t want to close my business, I just need a change.
Slow Summer
August was spent slowing down and leaning into high summer. I swam in many lakes. I pulled back on work commitments and did lots of reading outside. I read Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver and then started reading The Summer Book by Tove Jansson. I just stared reading Worry by Alexandra Tanner and have been leafing through Twyla Tharp’s book The Creative Habit. I spent a weekend on the lake with a group of friends - sitting around a fire, swimming and cooking elaborate feasts on the grill. I went to Northern Michigan with Justin and we stayed in a tiny cabin and spent most of our time at the beach. Lake Michigan feels so much like the ocean it’s hard to believe it’s a lake. I always forget how icy cold and rough it is and each year I go for a swim and tell myself over and over that swimming in cold water is good for you! I taught a marigold dyeing class at one of my favorite spots in Northern Michigan called Farm Club. I really enjoy teaching about natural dyes, especially when we can be outside on a beautiful day.
Now September has commenced and change is afoot. I’m sending out my big announcement in my email newsletter tomorrow. I spent last week preparing my website and inventorying everything I have. I’m on the third week of The Artist’s Way and actually staying committed this time. Last week’s artist date involved spending two hours in my favorite thrift store and getting myself a blizzard from Dairy Queen on a 93 degree day. I still feel so much resistance to allowing myself these fun artist date outings but they really are what the doctor ordered for my sense of joy, fun and creativity. I got a bolt of green plaid that I’m going to sew into a jumpsuit for myself this week that I am particularly excited about. Bless you, Julia Cameron!
I’m grateful to have allowed myself time this August to be present. It was especially needed after the constant driving back and forth across the state to be with my declining grandparents. My self care rituals, and honestly my rituals of any kind, had been entirely thrown out the window. I was feeling so out of whack and I really needed some grounding. My word of the year for 2024 that I chose in January is “restorative’. After pushing myself to the absolute extreme in 2023, I finally feel like I am starting to recover from unrelenting burn out. It hasn’t been easy to allow myself to feel restored. It’s taken until September to really start feeling it. I made this mood board in January for how I wanted this year to feel and set it as my laptop and phone background. Looking at it everyday is a helpful reminder of how I want to feel and what I want to focus on. I didn’t visit Scotland or do any international travel at all. But I did read lots of books, laid in the grass, swam as much as possible and grew a little garden. September feels like a good time to check in and see how I can continue to cultivate the vibe of the year that I set the intention to do back in January.
Restoring my Presence
I’ve been off Instagram/TikTok for a little over a week and have had my phone in black and white mode for two weeks. The presence and focus I have regained has been wild. It’s definitely challenging at first, but I figured out how to set up an auto responder to DMs which alleviated my “but what if someone messages me and I miss out on an opportunity” excuse to go back and get sucked in. Being off my phone and social media allows me to lean into romanticizing my own life. I listened to records in my living room by myself with my knitting project and a cup of tea for the first time in I don’t know how long. What’s more romantic than listening to records at night?! I noticed hummingbirds, I went for walks to the grocery store without my phone, I felt 1000x more present in my life. What really strikes me is the feeling of slowing down time when you’re more present. The feeling of time moving too fast is so overwhelming and the remedy (for me) is meditation and getting off social media. I’m sorry to say but the rumors are true!! I may or may not be scrolling Substack notes too much but no one is perfect…!
Anyway, that’s all for today. I hope you’re having a peaceful holiday.
Sending love.
xoxo
Meg
those lake photos are wonderful, i feel peace just looking at them too! and this whole piece was wonderful to read x
I really enjoyed this piece! It exudes slowness and romance and was genuinely enjoyable. Thank you for sharing these thoughts and bits of your life.