the drama of an existential crisis

navigating my weird life transition

Dear Reader,

I have been absent from this space for a long time. I had intended to start being here regularly as a creative writing outlet that is separate from my business but instead of doing that I continued to throw myself full throttle into Trying To Make Things Work™. This is the space I have been in now for what feels like a very long time, arguably the last year and a half. There are so many platitudes about life that are contradictory so it’s hard to know which one is “right” - is life all about resilience and continuing when things are hard and not giving up? Or should I know when to walk away? Can both be true?

I’m in a liminal space of knowing in my heart that I cannot continue on in my life the way things have been going. I don’t want to live in a place of constant stress and scarcity. I don’t want to spend hours each day creating Content™ and then losing my own sense of creativity and aligning my self worth with the performance of said Content. It could not be more obvious to me that the way things have been going is not working. What comes next once you decide change is necessary? “Decide” is used loosely here because it’s been partially me deciding things and partially having the proverbial rug pulled out from beneath me and forcing things into action. Maybe it’s better to experience both family turmoil and career failure at the same time so that I can be more available to support said family turmoil.

(this is my first post behind a paywall because it feels too vulnerable to let it live for free on the Internet)