radical acceptance, shifting perspectives and romanticizing my life

feels like things are starting to move forward

Dear Reader,

I am writing this from the comedown of my 33rd birthday. It’s difficult to put my finger on it but it feels like after a long period of the in-between space, things are finally pushing forward and coming through. I often feel an existential crisis on my birthday of wondering if I’m “doing the right thing” with my life or feeling “behind” in the milestones I “should” be achieving at this point. This year, I feel content. I feel grateful for the beautiful life I have built and for the community of friends and family that are my village. Even though I still don’t “know what I’m doing with my life” and I don’t have everything figured out, I trust that things are unfolding in their own divine timing. It’s not my job to know what the future holds, it’s my job to be here in the present moment making the choices that I feel are correct for me given the current circumstances.

There is no “having it all figured out” because life is always shifting and evolving and unexpected things constantly come up and jostle everything in your life out of place. That’s just how it goes. I’m sitting with this feeling of contentedness and acknowledging how much spiritual work it has taken to get here. How many depths of despair and frustration that I have worked through and will likely work through again in the future and feeling proud of myself that I have gotten to this peaceful place.

Overall, it feels good to have passed through my birthday without having an existential crisis. It feels good to be ok with traversing through the unknown and accepting that there’s only so much I have control over in my life. I’ve been on a spiritual journey of wanting to really dig into my own desires and connect more deeply with myself instead of projecting outwardly what I think other people want me to be. If you’re an eldest daughter or recovering people pleaser, you know what I am talking about. Here’s to giving each other grace and learning to live in the messiness and chaos of it all, all whilst finding the nuggets of romance and joy. Sending love to you.

xoxo

Meg

I always love the Spring because it feels like a collective awakening of joy after the constant grayness of winter. The sun comes out and we’re all reminded that the world is a beautiful place and we all feel like hanging out again! The lilacs have already come and are tapering off here in Detroit. There’s an empty lot across the street from my house that has a row of lilac bushes that I love to pick from and luxuriate in the magical scent as much as possible. Being in tune with the seasons of when things bloom in nature really helps ground me in the present moment. We’ll enjoy two weeks of lilacs in May, and then they will be gone. But during the time they’re here, I’ll have them in a vase in every room and on the seat next to me in my car and immerse myself in the best smell in the world in the most delicate lovely purple.

Romanticizing the “mundane” aspects of life is truly what makes it all worth living for me. You know that phrase, you can view it as a burden or you can view it as a gift? Maybe that’s not an actual phrase but it’s a reminder of the perspective shift that can alter everything. [I don’t mean this in a toxic positivity way - of course there are many awful, painful things that are constantly happening and we shouldn’t look for the positive in them and negate the harm.]

Shifting my perspective to finding the most enjoyable way to approach an activity makes a world of difference. I was feeling some comparison after seeing someone on Instagram enjoy a lovely trip to Italy. I have felt sad that in my adult life, most of my financial resources have been dedicated to making a living as an artist and I haven’t been able to travel as much as I would like to. Instead of feeling down about having never been to Italy, I asked myself what the aspects I imagine I would love about being in Italy would be. What came to mind was: walking around outside, sitting by the water, eating outside, going to museums and enjoying lovely food and beautiful architecture. I thought about how I could incorporate those aspects into my life here in Detroit, and that has looked like incorporating a way to enjoy dining and being outside more. Unfortunately, I don’t have any outdoor space in my home nor in my studio. I had the idea that even though I don’t have any dedicated outside area, I could put a small table on the sidewalk outside of my studio. I started asking around, and it turned out that my sister who is moving was getting rid of a small bistro table and two chairs. She brought them to me last weekend when we got together for Mother’s Day and on Monday I promptly set them up on the sidewalk outside of my studio.

the new source of my delight: the bistro table outside my studio

For the past week, I have enjoyed sitting at that table at all hours of the day. I have written my to-do list for the day with a cup of Dandy Blend in the morning. I have had a glass of wine and read my Sheila Heti book out there in the evening. I ate my sandwich for lunch out there in the afternoon. I sat outside and smoked a joint with my neighbor and talked about movies. The amount of pleasure I am receiving from the simple acquisition of this table and subsequent use there is truly something else. I joked to my friend that I’m living my Italian lifestyle on the sidewalk in Hamtramck. These are just the small pleasures that make life special, and it’s all about how you view them and imbue it with meaning.

Lately, I have been teaching sewing classes. I have been an avid sewer since high school but this is the first time I have taught sewing in a class setting to others, and it’s been deeply rewarding and very fun. I get so much out of teaching and community building. It feels really good to have found the ‘thing’ that I am good at. Sure, you can learn natural dyeing or sewing online, but the value of connecting with a group in person and the connection and joy you get from learning alongside other people is a thousand times better than youtubing it at home! I planted some kale last month in my garden and will be planting my tomatoes, herbs, peppers, cucumbers, squash and potatoes later today. I hauled two 50 lb bags of compost and soil to the tiny patch alongside my house and planted fuzzy sunflowers, cosmos and zinnias. I look forward to having lots of colorful flowers in a few months (if the squirrels don’t dig up all the seeds before they have a chance to grow!!).

reading

Everything I have been reading lately has been in the heady and introspective space. I guess that’s just where I’m at right now. It took me a while to get into Pure Colour, but I wanted to push through because I had heard so many good things about it and I loved her other book, Motherhood. I finally dove back into it after getting a little stoned and hit my stride. I am in the second half of the book now and am really enjoying all the aspects of humor, introspection, and grief all wrapped up in that uniquely Sheila Heti way of writing. I am still reading Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, and every time I pick it up it feels so poignant and relevant for what I am experiencing in that moment. I can’t say enough good things about it. My friend Elizabeth bought me a copy of Woolgathering by Patti Smith for my birthday a few year ago when we were at The Strand and I am just know finally getting into it. Something about reading a slim book is very enticing to me. I love Patti Smith’s poetic writing and her romantic way of viewing the world and the past.

baking

I’ve been doing quite a bit of cake baking recently. I made a plum, citrus and almond cake twice - once with yogurt and lemon, once with ricotta and orange. Both turned out divine! I used this recipe from Brick Kitchen after seeing it on TikTok. I made a strawberry cake for my pottery class and it was all devoured very quickly. The perfect treat for Spring! I feel like I’m really hitting my stride when it comes to sourdough baking. I love having it as a biweekly ritual to bake and share my fresh bread.

baking

sewing

I’ve been in a bit of a sewing frenzy recently! I made two pairs of Tapioca Trousers for my beginner sewing class to practice and know how to lead the class. I have a pair of the shorts version cut and ready to sew alongside my students and I am looking forward to adding them to my summer wardrobe. I don’t love the first pair that I made and I’m wondering for the other sewers out there, what do you do with the toiles you make/pieces you end up not liking the result of? Give them away? Sell them?? I’m not sure what to do with it yet. As time consuming as it is to make a toile, I really appreciate having a practice run for the piece I’m making to be able to make mistakes and work out the details so I can just zip through the “real” version.

I made a pair of Arthur pants, which I am definitely going to be remaking in two sizes down. I love the shape and the comfort of these, but the amount of volume is a bit over the top for me. I will be lowering the rise and altering the fit a bit for my next pair. I sewed an Adelphi top to wear for my birthday and a Henrietta skirt. In a perfect world, I’d be able to spend my days just sewing fun clothes for myself. Which is honestly what I do spend my days doing much of the time. My next projects will be a Clo Skirt (made one that ended up being too small, need to remake in a larger size), Lirio Top, Lilith Dress, Pipit Vest and Arthur Pants. I ordered some cover buttons to make a Lirio Top and a Mistral Top by Isa in Stitches which I have never done before! I’m excited to try out a new technique to create the matching buttons. I’m working on building out my blog content with information on natural dyeing and fun tutorials and I’ve been really excited to dig into that project a bit more too.

recent sewing projects: quilted wall hanging with naturally dyed linen scraps, tapioca trousers, adelphi top and arthur pants

movies

I haven’t been watching movies as much lately, but the movies I have seen, I really liked! I went to go see 2001: A Space Odyssey at the Redford Theatre on 70mm and it was a truly transcendental experience. I had seen it once before and remembered liking it but not being amazed, but my friend wanted to go and I thought it could be fun. Boy was I unprepared for the impact of this film in a theatre setting! As someone who loves the mystery of human existence, space, and thinking about the future and the past — this really hit! The music is fantastic, the effects are so ahead of their time! If you have the opportunity to see this movie in theatres, you absolutely should.

I watched La Chimera the other day, another movie shot on film, and I felt like it was enjoyable in a slow burn type of way. The vibe of the movie is quite angsty and disgruntled, and the fact that the main characters are grave robbers is obviously unsettling. But the costumes are fantastic, the cinematography was compelling and I always love the performance of Isabella Rossellini and Josh O’Connor.

Last night, Justin and I went to see Sinners at the movies on the glowing recommendation of my friend Carolyn. I don’t really go out of my way to see big horror/thriller/action movies in theatres so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I didn’t watch a trailer and went purely on the personal recommendation. I did not expect to have an absolute delightful viewing experience! It was fun, it was thrilling, it was MUSICAL, it had VAMPIRES and historical fiction, it was sexy… it was a true FUN movie. I recommend it! A totally fun watch.

Thanks for reading and for being here ~

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